Traveling Back to NJ Lesions Learned this Week in Joy and Pain

I have been out in San Jose this week for a friend of mine that last Friday just felt a bit ill and by Sat she was told that she had a large mass and it needed to be removed with surgery. There was the possibility that there was cancer but no one knew. Well she had surgery on Tuesday and it was cancer. It has spread though the body and right now and until she heals from the surgery she cant start Kemo. This has been one of those weeks that challenges who I am. I have come to see that I am still afraid of death and have a hard time letting myself feel what I need to. Even thought I have had 20 years exp in dealing with people. It never really prepares you for what will happen when you are faced with it in your own life. There is something that only experiences can teach you and that is Living. Death and the possibly causes us to reflect on where we are in this journey. Most of us take every day for granted and don't even think how lucky we are to breath, I know I do take things for granted. Well with all of this around me and thinking all of this through. I know that I want to love people well and help them. I think that is the core of who I am, There is something very wonderful in giving of yourself. You lose your own junk to replaced by peace and joy. That is something again that you can only experience. It seems that in experience you are free to have pain and joy. You however cant control what you will feel you just do.